Cool
by Setkia
Summary: When he says "aren't I cool?" what he really means is "aren't I enough?"


_**Author's Note** : I don't own **Soul Eater**. This idea came to me because I just feel there's so much subtext, and Soul just isn't always very good at communicating, so I like to think this is what he's saying. Also, just a small question. Has anyone done a **La La Land** AU? Because someone should, because that movie is like the spokesmovie for jazz._

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 _ **Cool  
**_ _ **(the Soul Evans dictionary)  
**_ _by: Setkia_

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 **When he says "aren't I cool?" what he really means is "aren't I enough?"**

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He wonders if she understands him after so many years of partnership.

When he calls her " **Tiny Tits"** it's because he doesn't want to start waxing poetry about her hair, or her figure, or her eyes, or her skin, or her legs (he could compose symphonies about those legs).

When he says " **Blair's hot",** it's because she is. She has curves and an impressive rack, her wardrobe is eye-catching, her actions are provocative, her very _being_ is sexual, and he's pretty sure that's what she's aiming for. To be eye-catching and ensnaring to men everywhere, to be as appealing as possible to as many people as possible. And she is.

If he says " **Blair's hot",** Maka thinks he's saying she isn't.

He is.

Because she isn't hot.

Maka Albarn has never been, nor will she ever be, hot to him.

That's because when Soul thinks of Maka, he thinks of **beauty**.

Soul thinks of ash blonde hair and large green eyes. He sees schoolgirls' uniforms that shouldn't work anymore at this age but somehow do. He sees pigtails that would look ridiculous on anyone else, but make her shine. He sees legs that go on for miles, creamy skin that seems to be so perfect without any effort. He sees combat boots and a dark cloak that flutters in the wind, he sees white gloves and school sweatshirts, and knee-high stockings. He sees a lean body with no real curves, but so much agility and flexibility. He sees small, almost invisible freckles dotting the skin, and hair that doesn't really have any bounce or wave but is still stunning anyway.

When he says " **I won't play"** , he means " _I don't want you to hear it_ " because he hates his music and he's always hated it.

When you come from a family of musical prodigies and have an older brother like Wesley Evans, you learn to be humble early on, and he knows his music is dark, it's not nearly as appealing as Wes'. Wes' music can lull you to sleep, Soul's is the type that plays as the soundtrack of a nightmare. His music is the worst side of him, and he doesn't want her to see that, _can't_ let her see that, but he is weak, and that's how she ends up hearing it anyway and he always ducks his head when it's over because it's not good, it's terrible, and yet she seems happy (which just proves her naivety).

When he says " **my Meister",** he hopes she understands that he means more than just the position she plays in their partnership. He hopes that after all these years, she's figured out that she's also his friend, that he depends on her in a way he didn't think he could ever depend on anyone, that he trusts her, in a way that he never dreamed of being able to.

When he says " **you don't need to meet Wes"** he hopes she knows it's not because he likes being cruel, because he can see that she really does want to meet his brother, but Wes is the perfect child, always has been, always will be, and Soul doesn't want her to realize she's been settling for second best, even if it means he has to hide Wes from her forever. He'll monopolize her as long as he can.

When he says " **it's the soul that matters",** he hopes she knows he means it. Because he does. Soul comes from a family of aristocracy, he's used to liars and fake smiles. He didn't approach her, she didn't approach him, because of what he looked like, he knows that. His appearance scares so many people off, there's no way she came to him because of what he looked like. It's all about what's underneath and he swears, if the way she deflates whenever she talks about how Tsubaki got asked out again and starts measuring her bust is any indication, it hasn't gotten across to her yet.

When he calls her " **bookworm"** , he hopes she knows he's complimenting her. She can sit in a library for hours on end, just reading, totally away from reality, escaping into her own world, where no one can reach her, and it's amazing, that she can do that, that reading gets to be her escape the same way music is to him. She's so smart and he knows he doesn't tell her enough and he's always using harsh words, but he thinks she's brilliant.

When he says " **stop reading"** , what he really means is " _come back to me",_ because she's so far gone into her own head that she can't notice anything around her. He's seen her walk into poles on the street because she's too wrapped up in the pages of a novel, and while he thinks that's amazing, if not for her safety, than for his own sanity, he needs as to be on Earth with him.

When he says " **nevermind"** , he hopes she knows he _does_ plan on telling her, at a later date, but he's just not ready yet because opening up your soul to someone is a long and hard process, and he can't promise he'll always be okay with being that open, but he's trying and she needs to be patient, but he's getting there and one day he'll know he can tell her anything and everything.

When he says " **bitch to me"** , what he really means is " _you can confide in me",_ because Maka has so few people she tells everything to, and it's hard to go through life without someone to share your burdens with, Soul would know, before Maka he had no one because Wes never felt like a safe option, and he knows that's a horrible thing to say about his own family, but it's true. He never felt as comfortable in his skin as he does with her.

When he says " **I'm Soul"** what he really means is " _I'm not your dad"_ , because he's _not_.

He'd never be as uncool as Spirit Albarn, and he plans on proving it to her whenever he can. He knows she took a risk trusting him, making him her partner, instead of going the safe route and getting a female partner. Sometimes when he thinks about their partnership, he can't really understand how it came to be, because she took a really big risk on him, deciding to trust him, and he plans on never giving her a reason to regret her decision.

When he says " **I'm stupid"** he's trying to show her that he's honest because he can admit when he's wrong, though it pains him to admit it, and he knows that's where Spirit went wrong. Spirit never knew when to admit to being imperfect, he always tried to be better than he was, but Soul can admit that even he makes mistakes, and it's better if he confesses to them sooner than later because it never feels right to lie to Maka, especially since she has spent her whole life being lied to by men.

When he says " **I promise"** he only does it when he's sure he can keep it, because he never wants to let Maka down, not like her father did. He wants to be as dependable as he possibly can be, because that's what Maka deserves, a rock that can keep her steady, not fight for her, not shelter her, but just something for her to fall back on, the same way she's a rock for him, giving him the space he needs, but also making sure he knows she's always there.

When he says " **here's your coffee"** he wonders if she realizes that she never has to tell him what she wants in it, because he's spent so long watching her, memorizing the little things about her, like the way she twirls the little ends of her hair when she gets tired, or the way she'll cross and uncross her legs when she gets anxious during a test, he's memorized the way she takes all her food and never has to ask her how she likes it, because he knows.

When he says " **you're not PMS, stop exaggerating"** it's because he knows she's literally not PMSing, because first of all, he thinks it's a stupid thing that doesn't really exist and people use it as an excuse to bitch about women, and secondly, because he kind of knows her cycle, because it's always handy to carry around womanly products just in case an emergency happens, or something. Sure, the stuff he gets isn't great, he doesn't know what she uses exactly, but what he does get is a quick fix in case they're off on a mission and she miscounts her own cycle. It's good to be prepared.

When he says " **I won't go easy on you"** he means " _I trust you can handle yourself"_ because he doesn't want her to ever think he doubts her strength, because she is so strong, physically and mentally. He doesn't want her to think he underestimates her, or is sexist, or thinks she's some kind of damsel in distress, because more often than not, she's the one saving him, not the other way around, because his mind is a scary place and he can get lost in there many times, way too often and it's scary when it happens but then she pulls him out and it's like he can breathe again.

When he says " **you eat like a pig"** he doesn't mean it as an insult. It's an observation, because she really _does_ eat like a starved animal, she chews loudly and though her mouth isn't open, she stuffs a lot in there and then she looks like a chipmunk, and if you get her riled up in debate before she bites in, she'll talk with her mouthful and she likes to eat huge burgers, and he loves it because it's so different from the delicate way Tsubaki eats, she can snort milk out of her nose when he tells a joke, she's so not elegant, which is refreshing after so many years of stiff women with polite manners who always said the right things, Maka doesn't even know what a shrimp fork is.

When he says " **you're stuck with me"** he hopes she realizes she literally is. He doesn't know if he could ever open himself up to another person the way he has with her, if he could ever achieve Soul Resonance with anyone other than her, and he also hopes she realizes that he's never going to leave her, that she can always come back to him because hell if he wants to work with those Meisters who think they can handle him, or think they're better suited to fight with him because they couldn't be more wrong.

When he says " **I'm sorry"** it's because he is, and he can admit that he's done wrong, and that's the difference between himself and Spirit. Not only can he acknowledge that he is wrong, he can apologize. He's pretty sure if Spirit was able to say it himself, actually put away his pride and apologize for the trauma he placed upon his only daughter, then maybe their relationship wouldn't be as broken as it is.

When he says " **aren't I cool?"** what he really means is " _aren't I enough?"_ , because he's not sure what more he can do to prove he isn't her father, and he's dependable and reliable and he'll treat her right and she doesn't have to worry about anything because he's taken strikes straight through the chest for her and he's not sure what else he can say or do to get her to notice him the way he notices her.

When he says " **you're cool"** he's saying he notices the small things she does.

The way she likes a particular side of the couch over the other, the way she will still splash around in puddles after a heavy rainfall, and still likes the comic section of the newspaper more than the news portion. He notices that she always tucks in her shirt, but if it should slip loose, she won't bother fixing it. She never asks the librarian where to find things because she knows how the system works more than the librarian herself. He notices that she says she doesn't like Blair, but she buys cat food anyway and makes it easy to access. She'll write reminders on his arm in Sharpie when he's sleeping, and not only does it act as a to-do list for him, it also lets her know when he last showered. She hates folding the pages of her books, so she'll use anything as a bookmark, and she chews her pencils when she gets really anxious. She hates doing her nails, thinks it's a waste of time, but she'll gush appropriately over whatever new thing Tsubaki has gotten done. She thinks her hair is limp and stupid looking, she likes to try different looks in the mirror before reverting back to the usual pigtails, she tried rolling her skirt up a little once and felt so uncomfortable, she undid it within two minutes of changing it. She likes to have lots of tiny marshmallows in her hot chocolate and spells words with her alphabet soup. She gets bored sometimes and makes cootie-catchers, but she can't do origami, and she says she doesn't like the comic books he has, but he knows she's read them because every now and then he sees her cover her ears when he talks about them with Black*Star, probably to avoid spoilers. She sticks out her tongue when she's focusing, she can jump double-Dutch, and she doesn't even flinch when it comes to dissection but show her an animal being hunted on the Animal Graveyard channel and she'll hide into his shoulder. She likes the popcorn kernels more than the popped corn, puts excessive amounts of butter on her food, prefers salty things to sweet things, has her Mama's old cookbook and she gets all nostalgic when she cooks from it. Maka likes to listen to motivational videos on YouFunnel, she knows how to play Blackjack, and has an amazing poker face, will hum old songs from the 30s under her breath, and she loves horror movies, even though they terrify her.

When he says " **you're cool"** what he means is " _I love you"_.


End file.
